I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
