Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize