Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize