We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
