He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
