I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't deserve a penis
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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