So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
