Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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