okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
