i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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