why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
