he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
