it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
