Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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