life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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