somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
