It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
