i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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