You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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