You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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