if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
