Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
