i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
