Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
