I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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