you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
