I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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