dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
