If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
