Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
