you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
