I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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