biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
