i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs are out for the taking
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize