I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
3 2 1 whiskey
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
