my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
