If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize