She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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