He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
