My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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