Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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