this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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