I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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