she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
