i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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