That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
tell me about the eggs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
