I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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