Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
