my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
