This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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