Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
