I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
