We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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