I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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