He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
