I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
