need another drink. this is the easiest way
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
