ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
