You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
