based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
