I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
