Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I smell like Dick and happiness
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
