cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
