if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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