I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
