Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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