College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
God, I missed his penis.
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