I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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