and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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