i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
