CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
