Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
