My room smells like vodka and shame
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
