Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
