Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
